How My Addiction Began

I come from a good, strong, loving, supportive, God-fearing family. I can fairly say I did not have any major childhood problems growing up. I was a smart kid who always felt that he fit in anywhere.

I began drinking and experimenting with drugs when I was in high school, and was using regularly by the early years of college. During that time of curiosity and expanding sociability, I drank and used for fun. My big problem started mainly because college afforded too much freedom and free time. Using alcohol and other substances gave me extra confidence. It made the bad times tolerable and the good times even better.

But, the desire to escape more completely – to have perpetual relief from the problems of daily life – never left my mind, and gradually became an obsession. I tried various means of hiding this from my family. Isolating myself became routine, and was my getaway. Too much time alone led to depression and other mental-health problems, which intensified my addiction between 2015 and 2017.

My initial journey into recovery occurred after an overdose and subsequent hospitalization. My family found professional help and supported me every step of the way. Treatment lasted almost two years, but truthfully, I never got honest with myself. I kept a lot secret, which started eating me up, and I relapsed.

What had begun years before as casual, teenage drinking and occasional substance-use had turned into an adult ritual of hard drugs all day, wrapping up with hard alcohol and marijuana at night. Using all day, every day, worsened my mental-health problems, which undoubtedly precipitated my decline. I became very unstable, very selfish and willing to sacrifice almost everything to support my habit and get what I needed … my fix.

Turning Point

Eventually, I lost it all. Firstly, there was no money left of my own and barely any left to take. Secondly, I lost my job. Thirdly, I brought too much pain to my family and the people close to me, and lost their trust. Furthermore, because of my addiction, I ran into some legal problems.

I could not get enough drugs to kill the pain anymore. I was hiding the extent of my addiction problems from everyone close to me. I spent many days lying, sneaking out and hanging out with the wrong crowds. My life had become one big lie.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, my addiction grew even worse. I could not stop. The terror was something I wish nobody ever has to go through. I wanted to run away. Finally, l just got tired and asked for help again. I never thought it was possible to reach that bottom, but addiction had brought me to my knees.

Treatment

The first step to recovery is acceptance and responsibility. Just fully acknowledging that I really have a big problem has helped a lot during my recovery. The second step is rehabilitation and counseling. Many in-patient rehabilitation programs were not taking new patients during the pandemic, but I was able to begin counseling therapy online through Lifestance Health. That program saved my life, because I was finally able to vent and talk to someone. Moreover, my family has been the best possible support system throughout the whole process.

Treatment forced me to see, crystal-clearly, that my recovery had to be the most important thing in my life. It was not easy for me to deal with the shame and guilt, but recovery provides many tools for facing those challenges. I learned that I had to get sober, not for other people, but for myself.

Living In Recovery

It is an everyday struggle, but I try to remain vigilant in the fellowship of recovery. I am still doing my therapy counseling sessions. I still attend a Smart Recovery Group meetings twice a week, which give me tools and strategies to help in my recovery journey. The program focuses mainly on 1) Building and Maintaining Motivation, 2) Coping with Urges, 3) Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors, and 4) Living a Balanced Life.

I am proud to say that I am now a director of the Aidan Sweet Isintu Foundation, which I learned about through a close family friend during the early stages of my recovery. Being part of ASIF has been one of the greatest milestones in my recovery journey. It gives me a safe, on-going platform from which to share my story and help others. It is critical to me to talk to other people who have faced similar things and hear how they have moved through and handled the many challenges life presents.

Volunteering for the foundation and attending group meetings keeps me busy and helps me avoid falling back into bad habits. When I first started recovery, I could not even verbalize how significant it was for me to talk to people, tell them what I had done, and then be told to “keep coming back”. To those currently struggling with a substance-use problem or addiction, I want them to know that they are not alone, that there is hope, and there are solutions. The greatest benefit of recovery is the ability I now have to feel good about the things l do, and about the person I am. I am in a really good place right now. I owe all that to recovery.